a peek inside...
My Life In Art - Part One

The Beginning

Did you ever want to be something so bad that before someone had the chance to get past "So, what do you..." you had finished their sentence for them and answered it in the first breath? Ever since my first audition as a freshman in high school, being an actor is what I have always wanted to be. After that first show, Li'l Abner, where I played three parts and sang music other than what I was used to singing in church every Sunday, I was hooked. I began to pursue theatre as if I could not live without it. I was doing three shows a year, along with school and other activities that was a lot! My mother even refused my auditioning for a show because I was "working myself to death with theatre" (Her exact words). If I wasn't acting in them, I was working backstage in lights, props, make-up; as an usher; working the refreshment stand; selling tickets... you get the idea. I loved the theatre, and it suited me very well.

I performed as a star in my high school productions, and as an up and coming actor on the two local amateur stages. High school is what gave me the obnoxious view point of myself. Everyone told me how great I was. I knew what shows were coming up and I was prepared to audition. The director and I were like one... etc., etc. and so on. I though I was hot snot. Which I wasn't. I was just talented, but it was a raw talent. Very raw! After four years of high school and local theatre I was ready to see what else there was out there. I never planned to make a future out of acting. Never.

Arkansas
I chose a small university to attend because that was where all my friends from church and camp were planning on going. Boy was it small. 3,000 students made up the entire student body. On registration day I was faced with a decision. What would be my major? At an university of this size and caliber it did not matter what your major was, you would still be classified as a student of the "Liberal Arts". (Kind of funny to think of it as "Liberal", because as a Christian university it was nothing near being "Liberal" at all. No booze to be found in a 50 mile radius. The university was located in a Dry County. Hair for men was to be shorn above the collar, and no facial hair. One could not wear shorts on campus. Men were allowed into the waiting rooms of the womens' dorms, and women were not allowed anywhere near the mens' quad. But I digress.) When asked "what major?" my eyes latched onto one word, Theatre. So there you have it. I was one of two theatre majors at this Christian University. That lasted about a year.

I grew restless at school. I wanted to expand my training and knowledge of theatre. Here I was forced to play by rules that made no sense. How could I push the theatrical envelope when I would have to sit before a committee of my peers and be lectured about the flagrant use of the word "damn" in modern and classical dramatic literature (plays). Plays were to be submitted, scorned, and edited for content before being allowed to be performed on stage. My dear friend and mentor, John Folding, and I did our best to create "theatre" on this campus. It was fun, but like I said, I was growing restless.

John helped me realize a very important lesson (my first of many) concerning friendship and the business of the theatre. When your friend sits on the opposite side of the audition table, and begins to scrutinize your ability as an actor for his show, you are no longer friends. You become employer and employee. I thought I had it in the bag, like in high school, and I was going to be the next star in John's production. I was dead wrong. My audition sucked, I was lazy and uninteresting, I jerked and laughed my way through the whole thing. Afterwards, I was furious at John for not casting me. I was his friend! But I was not the best actor that he could trust with his creation. He later told me that and allowed me to read a script he was considering for the spring showcase. After reading the script on one of our many Chorus Tours during Christmas break, I begged and convinced him that I was the only choice for the character of Charlie. I promised him that I would audition and do it right, and work very hard, as an employee/actor. And I did. That was the best part that I have ever tackled. And the experience will be with me forever.

The Beginning Of The End
After one bleak Saturday afternoon when my car was demolished by some bastard in a van going well over the speed limit in the rain, I was itching to see what else was out there. I wasn't happy at this school. I was writing very dark poetry, and spending every weekend inside listening to depressing music by Sinead O'Connor (Nothing compares 2 U) and watching Sweeny Todd on video. (Watched it 7 times in a row one Saturday!) I was a firm believer that it did not make a difference from where one studied theatre, just what that person would make of the learning. I was wrong, again. It did matter as I later found out. I was thinking of returning home and finding another route to take with my schooling. Then I found out about the University of Illinois' program of theatrical studies. I wrote for all the information that they would care to send me. After a few weeks it arrived.

It was like Christmas. I was so excited. I sat down at the deli/student center and opened up the large envelope and quenched my thirst-ridden eyes on a spectacular brochure for The Krannert Centre for the Performing Arts/UofI. Wow! All those pictures of students putting on make-up; wearing great, hand built costumes; four stages for year-round performances; claustrophobic studios for classroom studies; stage combat and various other temptations created by the devils of theatre burned inside my brain and heart. I must attend this school. It was a mixture of feelings of salvation and desire for this school. I was trapped in Arkansas at this dinky, stuffed-shirt school far away from home. This was the yellow brick road for me, and I was singing loudly along with Dorothy and the Tinman.

This time my mind was made up before I was asked "what major?" The U of I was a gold mine of opportunity. I didn't bother looking at other schools because this one had everything that I had dreamed about, and it was closer to home. With no goofy people. (Yes, I was born in Arkansas and I love the state, but there are just too many goofy people who are from there or are currently stuck there, just look at our President, Bill Clinton.) So I filled out the application immediately and prayed.

It was at this time that I started losing my best friends at school. They found out my interests lie elsewhere and that I had different dreams to follow, so they left me high and dry. That really hurt. John was the only one who stuck by me. He helped me prepare for my audition to enter the program at the U of I. John also gave me a great book to read, which I did as I was flying up to audition on the very last day of auditions being held at the school. I was excited and I was feeling big again. I was important, and I meant business. I would be professional and knock their socks off.

Illinois
I arrived in Springfield, drove to Champaign and found my friend's apartment. He was one of my buds from church camp, but he went ROTC and did not attend a Christian university. I was to stay in his room for the night, and then audition in the morning. We went out on the town. What a blast. We bar hopped left and right (no drinking for me, mind you, I had to audition), was introduced to the best pizza in the world, Garcia's Pizza in a Pan by the slice!, and met some very pretty girls. By 10 PM I was tuckered out and we headed back to his place. I was just getting ready for the couch when his roommates walked in with a keg and a dozen or so freaks. The party began and I was getting extremely upset. I had the most important audition of my young life ahead of me in the morning and these drunk masochists were "jump-jump, everybody jump-jump"ing all over the apartment. I screamed for them to turn the music down, and then his room mate, the prick (my sister-in-law's most favorite descriptive word) came into the room where I was trying to salvage my beauty rest. He began to continue a rousing conversation with a girl, I can only guess, apparently trying to salvage what he could of his miserable relationship with her. I have never heard such language being used, nor such violent threats being thrown when one is trying to reunite with the woman he loves. Doesn't really work that way, does it? Anyway, I told him to take a leap in the lake, and he told me to shove it. Etc., etc. and so on. Needless to say, I woke up on time.

I went to take a shower and prepare for the audition in two hours. The shower wasn't working. I deduced this by noticing a spout of water issuing forth from the wall where the faucet in the tub used to be. I promptly went out in my towel and found the prick in his ROTC gear on the couch (my friend was still asleep). I began to tell him his shower didn't work when he politely blurted out that I "shouldn't bother with the shower, it doesn't work." Never has soaking my head in a sink been more humiliating. I hope the prick knocked up his girl from the phone conversation the night before, and is now living a miserable existence paying for child support and working as a no-life grunt in some small-minded town.

The Audition
Auditioning for a school theatre program is nothing like anything else I have ever experienced. I had chosen two monologues. Puck's "Through the forest I have gone..." and something from Edward Albee. First of all, no one should attempt a monologue from any Shakespeare play, unless they have had some decent training in Shakespeare. Second, no one should do a monologue that is explosive and violent, unless that is the specific character they are auditioning for; such as something from David Mamet or Sam Sheppard. I managed to throw myself across both of those lines and proceeded with my audition. Luckily the auditors didn't throw me out of the room. Wendy, later to be one of my most favorite Tea-Time chums, took me aside and coached me with the Shakespeare. This was part of the audition. After waiting an hour in the hallway of what appeared to be a major bomb shelter, I shook with playful fury through my two pieces and now some British Accent woman was coaching me. This looked hopeful. Was everyone going through this process, or just me? Hmmm...

After me there was one other person. Then the auditors called us all back in. We were introduced, asked to perform the piece that we were coached on, play a few improv games, then handed some scripts. We were paired up with one another. My partner was this tall, lanky guy who was unshaven, unsteady on his feet, and had a speech impediment of slurring that reminds one of a cross between Clint Eastwood and the lead singer of the Doors, Jim Morrison. I also found out that he was the son of one of the auditors. We were then told to break for an hour lunch, go with our partner and rehearse this chosen scene. I was not pleased. My partner could barely walk, much less speak. What was I to do?

I cannot remember the scene today, but I actually think we did a good job. We both made it into the program. Only one other person made it from my audition group that day, Cherise Silvester (later to change her last name to Silvestri). I never did find out what happened to the other four auditionees. All in all, the whole audition lasted until 3:00 PM, and it started around 8:00 am. What a day.

Back To Arkansas
Now came the hard part. The waiting. I auditioned in late April. Deadline for registration was only two weeks away, then the letter came in the mail. I was accepted! My eyes filled with tears, I called my dear mother and shared the news with her. I was coming home. Now to tell my so called friends...

Separation is always a hard thing to handle. I was currently dating someone who said that distance was not going to affect our friendship. Five minutes after telling her the good news, I was once again alone. My close knit group of croanies deserted me and became bitter towards me. John was happy for me. Of course he was, he was graduating in a year, so he didn't really care and was still my friend. (Remember, this was a very bitter point in my life, and still is a sore spot today.) It was at this point that the Chorus was preparing for our one month tour of Europe/U.K. One month in France, Belgium, Netherlands, England, Scotland and Whales. So now that the audition was behind me, and my future bright before me, I could concentrate on the now and enjoy my trip to the other side of the world.

Follow the piranha back to his home pool, if you dare...